


Second Time Around

by longhairshortfuse



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-17 13:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2311322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil has lost Carlos. <br/>Or has he found him?</p>
<p>Only fools rush in twice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drink and Remember

**Author's Note:**

  * For [psychosomatic86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychosomatic86/gifts).
  * Inspired by [At What Cost?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306825) by [psychosomatic86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychosomatic86/pseuds/psychosomatic86). 



Cecil sat head in hands, wine glass almost empty. Wine bottle almost empty too yet he did not feel drunk. A sure sign that he had been drinking too much, his alcohol tolerance was high enough that downing a whole bottle barely took the edge off his anguish. At least he’d picked white wine; the hangover would be less intense. The trouble with drowning your sorrows, he thought, is that you need a bigger lake each time. And the more you drown, the more you want to submerge yourself in whatever liquid will dim the brightly painful emotion. Cecil looked at the last of the chardonnay. There was a bottle of merlot in the kitchen. He lied to himself that maybe he could have one more glass without losing control.

He made a sudden decision, one he would look back on as one of his better impulses, and got up. He took the glass and bottle to the kitchen, poured the remaining drink away and made coffee.

He was upset. His excitement at hearing that his Carlos had been seen in town, at Rico’s of all places, had been tempered with confusion that he hadn’t heard from Carlos himself. Carlos had got back, gone for pizza and not called. Every day, every night Cecil dreamed of the time, soon surely, maybe today or tomorrow, that Carlos would call. _Cecil? I’m home, I’m at… come and get me?_ or just appear smiling shyly in the doorway of their home. Cecil had ignored the sense of foreboding, the slight hurt, and run to see Carlos again. They had been limited to sharing phone calls, texts and emails for months. They were still so much in love after everything. It was time to share so much more.

But the rejection, the fear marring Carlos’s perfect features that led to the threat to call the police, had been a shock despite the warning signs. It was more than Cecil could take. He ran home, sat in a quiet, darkened room and opened the bottle that would allow him to weep until he went numb.

Carlos did not know him.

Carlos was newly arrived in Night Vale again.

Cecil drank coffee and thought. He knew he was a little drunk and that he should not act, not call anyone, not email. But he could write. He rummaged around in the kitchen drawer until he found what he knew was hidden at the back – a forbidden pen. He searched under the mattress in his, their bedroom and found the notebook that Carlos kept hidden and the SSP pretended not to know about.

_My dear Carlos,_

He scored it out, far too personal. He thought about how Carlos was in the few months after he first arrived three years or more ago. 

_Dear Dr Scientist_  
 _I would like to apologise for my strange behaviour outside Big Rico’s yesterday. I did not mean to cause you such distress. I realise I must have appeared rather frightening._

He’d keep that, it was a good start.

_My dear Carlos, please understand. You are so good at understanding things! You feel that you have only just arrived in town but you have a history here. A history with me…_

Cecil realised that the page was getting splashed. He wiped his face and the notepad. That was too much. He scored out those sentences and bit the end of the pen. He smiled, Carlos always told him off for that, would take the pen from him and kiss him, hardly a deterrent. New pens were difficult to get.

_This is a strange town. I think you will find it an interesting place to study. If you are willing to forgive my outburst, I would like to invite you for coffee at the Moonlight Diner so that I can tell you a little about the local customs and history of Night Vale._

Yes, that was better. Controlled and polite.

_You can contact me via the local radio station. I am there most days from late morning to late evening. If you have any urgent questions you can text or call me on…_

He took a new sheet, wrote a neat copy and signed off will his full name, no hearts or xox-es. He left it on the worktop to read over again in the morning, delaying the decision to deliver it until sobriety caught up with him. He went to bed.

\------------------------------------------------

Cecil woke up with a clearer head than he deserved. He showered, shuffled to the kitchen and remembered the short letter. He sighed, thinking that he might as well burn it now. After the scare he gave the scientist he would never accept the invitation. 

The letter was gone.

In its place was a fixed-penalty notice from the SSP.  
 _Issued to: C. G. Palmer_  
 _Penalty: 10 hours volunteer community duties_  
 _Reason: unauthorised letter writing_

It was probably for the best. The SSP would be in touch about his penalty. The notepad and pen were gone too. Cecil got ready for work and walked to the radio station to help chase the last of his muzzy headache away. 

“Hey Cecil,” Intern Phyllis smiled. “You have one message from the SSP, something about volunteering from nine until eleven every morning next week in…” her eyes rolled up and to the side as she checked her memory, “oh, some municipal facility in town. They said they’d collect you from home to make sure you got there. What did you do this time?”  
“Thanks. I got caught using a pen.”  
The intern looked shocked. “You had a pen? Where did you get it?” She hissed, “I need… Um, sorry Cecil. I’ll go back to work now.” 

Cecil focused on his show. The idea of sending a letter was silly, he decided, he knew he shouldn’t have done that and it had earned him ten hours’ worth of extra work. But he could speak, if only Carlos would listen. 

_Listeners, our town must seem new and strange to our local scientists. Some of you know that I have been very into science for about three years now and I would very much like to help the latest additions to our little community to settle in and come to love our town like I do. Again. And if I seem a little, uh, intense or overbearing, it is only because of what I and my friends have been through lately. I can drink, but I find that I am unable to forget._

_It is time to say goodnight, listeners, but before I do I ask one hypothetical listener in particular this. Look at your watch. Look inside your watch. Is that the right time? What is time, to you? Do you even know? Did your father know, when he gave you that watch?_

_Goodnight, dear listener, goodnight._

He sat back and closed his eyes as the “On Air” light went off and the next programme started. He checked his phone. It buzzed in his hand as three messages arrived one after the other.

_Thank you for your letter, your behaviour was unsettling but hardly the most frightening thing that has happened so far…_

_I accept your apology…_

_…and would like to discuss what you know about time in Night Vale. I can meet you at 10pm when I close the lab._

Intern Phyllis looked in to check that Cecil was okay after she saw him sink his head onto the desk, his shoulders shaking as he wept.

He was smiling. Cecil leapt up and hugged her.  
"If he fell in love with me once, perhaps it can happen again."


	2. Self Reliant

Cecil sat in the corner booth of the Moonlight Diner at ten-fifteen. Carlos arrived ten minutes later just as Cecil began to wonder if he had changed his mind. His Carlos hated to be late. He sat on the padded bench at right angles to Cecil.

"Time does not work properly here. How did you know that? And how did you know about my Father's watch?"  
Carlos fidgeted with a napkin. Cecil stared into his coffee, called the waitress over and ordered a refill for himself and Carlos's favourite.  
"Did you just order for me? I don't want anything!"  
Cecil smiled and said, "I think you will like this. If I am wrong, I apologise."  
"Tell me what you know about time," Carlos demanded.

Cecil had thought about what to say.  
"Time is a series of instants all equivalent, all one on top of the other. It is our own perception that makes time run faster or slower. Clocks don't perceive so they should all run correctly according to design. But in Night Vale they don't. I don't know why."  
He watched Carlos's expression.  
"Are you a scientist too?"  
Cecil laughed. "No, but I am very into science. Three years ago I knew almost nothing about science but I learned from someone very special."  
Cecil stared at his coffee again. 

Carlos's drink and Cecil's refill arrived. Carlos looked skeptical as he sniffed the warm liquid. He took a sip, paused, took another and smiled.   
"Look, this is weird. I don't normally talk to strangers. Hell, I barely talk to friends. But..." He stopped. Cecil didn't push for elaboration. Carlos sipped his drink again. "So, what you said about time, about my watch. How did you know? I had my father's watch but it is missing. I remember wearing it, setting out on my journey to my new job, and when I woke up here it was gone. I thought someone had robbed me on the coach but the police said no."  
Cecil felt the watch in his pocket. He should give it back, but what would this Carlos think? How could he explain having it?  
"Oh? I guess lots of sons get a watch from their father. So, you listened to my show?"  
Carlos frowned. "Yes. I don't know why. I was in the lab, checked the time and automatically turned on the radio like it was something I did every day." He sipped his drink. "What is this? You were right, I like it."  
Cecil smiled. "It's a skinny cardamom latte. You al..."  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
They sat quietly finishing their drinks but not ordering more.

Eventually, Carlos yawned.  
"Sorry, I have early mornings."  
"And I have late evenings. Do you need a ride back?"  
Carlos paused before nodding. Cecil drove him back, chatting about local sights. When he pulled up in front of the lab, Carlos released his seatbelt but made no attempt to open the door and slip away. Cecil stared at the steering wheel.  
"This feels... odd. Familiar. Unscientific." Carlos frowned.  
"Oh?"  
"But I am a scientist. There is something going on here that I don't understand."  
Carlos looked round at Cecil, who continued to stare at a fixed point, a light on the dash.  
"Oh."  
"I will get to the bottom of it, whatever it is."  
"Oh? Do you want any help with that?"  
Carlos frowned slightly then his face cleared.  
"Can I call you if I need your help? For scientific reasons? A scientist ought to be self-reliant but..."  
Cecil risked a glance at that familiar, imperfect face. He smiled back.  
"You have my number. Call me whenever you want to."

Carlos put his hand on the door handle and started to open the car door. He had absolutely no explanation for why he leaned over and kissed this strange man, just once, just gently, before slipping out and running up stairs to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, only fluff will do.


	3. Really into science

_Shitshitshitshitshit_ Carlos swore to himself. _What was I thinking! Why did I do that?_ He paced the floor, trying to calm himself down. _I don't even know the guy! Sure he's friendly, suspiciously friendly, but... shitshitshitshitshitfuckshit..._

Carlos put a hair-band around his wrist. It was tight. He pulled it and let it snap back on his wrist, focusing on the sting to bring him back. He did it again and his breathing slowed.

He thought. Calmer now. He had never been so forward, so impulsive, and yet he felt afraid rather than embarrassed. He should analyse this, scientifically, before deciding what to do. In the meantime perhaps he should apologise? After all, the radio man had apologised so thoughtfully in writing and on his show. He sent a text.

_I am deeply sorry for my behaviour when you dropped me off tonight. Please forgive me. I do not usually behave like that and have no idea why I did what I did. It will not happen again._

Cecil read the text from Carlos with disappointment. It was not the message he hoped for. No "I remember", no declaration of love, no sign of recognition. But it was an invitation of sorts and he had to think carefully about how to reply. 

_Forgiven immediately. Blame it on the Moonlight. I am at your service still, scientifically speaking, although my mornings have been taken from me all next week as I have a community service order to serve out from 9-11 each day so late nights are not wise._

He waited. A reply came back quickly.

_By coincidence, we are required by the sheriff's office to take on a community service volunteer every weekday morning next week._

Cecil read and re-read and re-re-read. There were no coincidences in this town. To paraphrase one of his favourite documentary writers, million to one chances crop up nine times out of ten in some places.

_I will be most interested to find out where I have been placed for my "volunteer" work._

Carlos read over the exchange. It had to be, he felt it in a very unscientific way. He realised that he hoped that he would have Cecil in the lab for two hours every day. He replied:

_As will I. Goodnight Cecil._

_Goodnight, Carlos, goodnight._

\------------

Monday could not come quickly enough for Cecil. He mentioned it on his late-nite weekend slot as he painted his nails black and lilac.

__  
Listeners, I have been assigned ten hours of voluntary community work in a municipal facility next week.It does not matter why I was given this duty, only that I look forward to being able to serve my little desert community with pride and good humour, wherever I am sent...  


At eight-forty-five on Monday morning Cecil waited, carefully chosen outfit of the tunic Carlos had given him soon after they started dating, with embroidered boiling tubes and round-bottomed flasks, just-tight-enough jeans that enhanced his legs and boots that actually belonged to Carlos and were a half size too big. A car drew up by the entrance to his block and he leapt downstairs. The police officer gave him the once-over, said _I suppose you'll do_ , and indicated that he should get in.

Cecil's heart pounded during the short journey.   
"I could have walked, you know, save resources, etcetera..."  
The Sheriff's Secret Police officer leered at him.  
"In those boots? Do we want blisters, sir?' The officer turned off her head-cam.  
Cecil waited for more information.  
"I shouldn't say anything, sir, and please don't tell, but you were happy with Carlos and we are all hoping something good happens. Ten hours should be enough, right? Use it well. Here..."   
She held out a chewed pen and a notebook he recognised.  
"Hide them better in future. When I checked these out of _evidence_ I ticked the box to report an attack of spontaneous combustion of sensitive materials"

Cecil just had time to stuff the forbidden items in his bag before he was turfed out of the police car in front of the lab. As he nervously approached the door, ready to knock, it opened.  
"Good morning Cecil, are you ready to be a scientist for two hours? Oh! that tunic is perfect."  
Carlos smiled as he nodded. "The tunic was a gift."  
"From someone special?"  
Cecil did not answer. Carlos did not ask again.

"Here, you will need this," Carlos passed a lab coat to Cecil. Cecil put it on and twirled.  
"Will I do?"  
Carlos laughed.  
"You look great. Gloves are in the pockets. I am so sorry, the first task is washing up yesterday's glassware. Something ate the dishwasher."   
"That's fine. Where are all the other scientists?"  
"Oh? I said that since we had help this week they could start at ten instead of eight. They will be here in forty minutes or so."  
Cecil grinned. "Put me to work, then."

Cecil filled the sink with water and submerged the glassware. Carlos watched and sighed.   
"You may as well let that lot soak for a while. Take the gloves off and come and have coffee. No, the lab coat stays on."  
The break area was clean, like Cecil remembered it should be but often wasn't.   
"I'm the lab skivvy, I will make coffee for you."  
Carlos frowned, he was fussy about his coffee. Cecil stole a look at his face.  
"I can make good coffee."

They chatted about science and drank coffee until the lab door banged and Dave arrived. He waved at Cecil and Carlos, picked up a bag of equipment, mumbled something about data-recorders and the sand wastes, turned around and made for the door again. As he left he grabbed Rochelle's arm and propelled her out of the lab with him, making her leave again just as she arrived. 

Carlos put his mug down and Cecil refilled it halfway like Carlos usually did.   
"Cecil, I need you to explain some things."  
"Oh?"  
"Why do I find it easy to talk to you? I never talk. I get nervous around people and can't think what to say."  
"I talk for a living. Perhaps I put you at ease because of that."  
"Hmm."  
Carlos finished his second coffee.   
"Okay break's over. I need to get back to work."

Cecil sang as he washed up the lab glassware. Carlos thought he ought to find it an irritating distraction but it was a strangely comforting sound. Eleven o'clock came and Cecil left for the radio station. Carlos thought the lab felt very empty.


	4. Pond Life

_Listeners? You know that I am really into science. Let me tell you about my morning as a volunteer at our community’s science lab in town. I arrived with my uniformed escort, punctual because I wanted to make a good impression on my first day. The head scientist, Carlos, gave me a lab coat and showed me around…_

Carlos listened as Cecil described his washing-up and coffee-making and cleaning. He felt a little bad; he had given Cecil jobs that all the scientists hated and here he was on the radio, saying his name in such a _nice_ way and talking as if it had been something special to be allowed to wash beakers and make coffee. He ought to find something more interesting for him to do if he was as _really into science_ as he claimed. The show continued with some local news items and he wondered if Cecil had pressed the wrong button to start the weather report because music played instead. It seemed to be a habitual error but somehow Carlos thought he should not bother to point it out. He switched off the radio and went down to the lab to look around for something Cecil could do, something easy to learn, something usefully _scientific._

Next morning, Cecil’s transport arrived and the uniformed officer nodded in approval at his choice of clothing. He wore his work suit, all soft greys, teamed with a lilac tie and a white shirt with _trust me_ and _I’m a scientist_ cufflinks.  
“Mmm, better. Those colours suit you. Get in.”

Cecil opened the door and went in. He was five minutes early.  
"Good, you're here. I have something a bit more interesting for you to do today, no more washing up. You want to do some real science? I have a whole load of samples to analyse so I can teach you how to use a microscope and..." Carlos stopped. "Oh. I don't think you should wear that for science. It's lovely, it might get splashed and then it would be ruined. I might be able to find you some more appropriate lab wear upstairs. Come on."  
Cecil hesitated then smiled.  
"Good morning?"  
"Oh! Sorry. I get carried away sometimes when I'm talking about science. Good morning."

Cecil followed Carlos upstairs and into his tiny apartment, barely more than a room, above the lab. He paused at the door, overcome by the familiar sights and smells that delivered memories of the nights they had spent together there on the futon, trying to be quiet because the walls were just partitions and Dave was next door.  
"It's okay, you can come in. Sorry about the mess, I have not fully unpacked. That pile," he pointed, "is all clean. There should be something that will fit you well enough. Practical scientists like me tend not to bother much with nice clothes, everything gets ruined eventually. Come down when you are ready."

Cecil was left alone in the room. He walked around the piles of books and clothes, stroked a hand over the back of the futon and bit his lower lip hard, eyes closed tight. Deep breath. And another. He looked at the pile of clothes Carlos had indicated and picked up the science teeshirt and sweatpants he used to borrow for lounging around, burying his face in them for a moment. He changed, making a face as he realised how silly the sweats looked with his shoes. He swapped for a pair of jeans that compensated for the extra two inches on the waist by being two inches insufficient in length.

"That's better," Carlos smiled at him and handed him a lab coat. "Sit here and I'll explain what to do."  
Cecil listened and followed Carlos's instructions. He made a slide by sandwiching a drop of a water sample between two thin glass oblongs and slipped it into the grips on the microscope stage. He looked through the eyepiece.  
"I don't see anything."  
"It is probably out of focus. Let me..."  
Carlos leaned over to peer down the microscope, bringing his face close to Cecil's. Cecil gripped the sides of the lab stool and concentrated on breathing slowly, sure that the scientist would hear his heart race.  
"Mmhmm, that's it. You use this big knob for rough focus and the little one for fine adjustment." Carlos sat up again. "Look now so you know what you are looking for then I will defocus it again and you can practise."  
Cecil bent over the microscope again.  
"What do you see?"  
"Carlos? There are _things_ swimming in the water! I see little round blobs with legs... hold on... six legs and some of them have feathery antennae and _fuck what's that!"_  
Carlos laughed.  
"I think you just saw the particular species of interest. Describe it?"  
Cecil studied the sample again.  
"It looks like a tiny fairytale dragon. Urgh! It is eating the six-legged blob."  
"I want you to observe and record the behaviour of the mini-dragons. There are six samples of water from different places and I want to know if the dragons all look and behave the same."  
Carlos handed Cecil a notebook and a pencil. Cecil looked at them warily.  
"Um, Carlos? Have you any idea why I got ten hours of community service?"  
"It's okay, we have a permit for those."

An hour later Cecil had six pages of notes and sketches and sore shoulders. He sat up and stretched, jumping slightly as he felt the familiar weight of a hand on his shoulder.  
"Oh those are excellent, you have an eye for detail. Thank you. Tell me what you found out over coffee?"  
"Okay. I had no idea science could be so painful."  
"Ah, you hunched up."  
Cecil felt Carlos's hands on his shoulders and his thumbs working at the area either side of his spine just below his neck. He closed his eyes and dropped his head.  
Suddenly the hands were gone and Carlos was apologising from several paces away.  
"Cecil? I'm sorry, I have no idea what made me get so overfamiliar. I am not normally like this!"  
"Please don't worry, it was a nice thing to do. It helped my aching shoulders."  
Cecil turned to face Carlos. He looked flustered.  
"Do you want me to make coffee? Then you can ask me about the dragons?"  
Carlos nodded.

Carlos asked about the differences between the water samples and Cecil answered, referring to his notes from time to time. Cecil had questions too,  
"What are those tiny creatures?"  
"The round ones are water fleas, very common. The dragons are new, they have never been described before in scientific literature. I am writing a paper about them and if they are confirmed as a new species, scientific convention allows the discoverers to choose a name for the species. You have helped with observations so I can add you as a co-author on the paper if you like."  
"Really? That's... that's so neat!"  
Cecil sighed inwardly. Neat? Really? Again?  
Carlos looked delighted.

Cecil stretched his shoulders again and groaned.  
 _Why not?_ thought Carlos. _Just be cool and ask..._  
"IfyoulikeIcould..." his words spilled out then stumbled.  
Cecil smiled at him. "Would you? Do you mind?"  
Carlos stood behind Cecil's plastic chair and kneaded tight little circles with his thumbs into his shoulders. Cecil let his head loll forwards and down, chin on chest.  
"Mmmm, that feels better."  
Carlos stopped. He stroked gently over the curve of Cecil's neck once before stepping back. He turned away and went to his work bench and stared at a Petri dish.  
Cecil sat up straight again.  
"Carlos?"

The lab doors banged and swished as three scientists burst in.  
"Carlos? Carlos! You will _love_ this. Have you heard what's happening in the... Oh! Hi Cecil, still here? It's well after eleven." Rochelle made _call me_ signs at Cecil when Carlos wasn't looking.  
"Oh!"  
Cecil darted upstairs to get changed back into his work suit. 

Later, Carlos listened to Cecil's show, curled up with his head resting on the science teeshirt and jeans that Cecil left folded on the seat of the futon.


	5. Deja Vu?

_Listeners, indulge me by allowing me to tell you about my morning as a scientist. Under the patient tuition of our own scientist, Carlos, I learned to use a microscope! Oh what wonders exist in a single drop of water, what a world was revealed, nature in all its terrible, deadly glory..._

Carlos smiled. A little later:

_I can hardly contain my excitement at once more being allowed a glimpse into the busy lives of our scientific community! What lies in store tomorrow I cannot even begin to guess...._

Carlos groaned into the teeshirt that smelled so alluring. He would have to think of something even better for Cecil tomorrow. 

_Listener? Oh listener! The discomfort of scientific observation is more than compensated for by the comforting, companionable touch of discovery..._

Carlos stared at his radio. 

Cecil finished his show. He thought about all the things he stopped himself from telling his listeners. About the way Carlos's hair flopped forwards when he bent over the microscope, the way Cecil had to stop himself from burying his face in the nape of his neck, how he struggled to say and do nothing that would cause alarm or confusion.

His phone buzzed.  
 _You make science sound really cool. Thanks._  
 _I am really into science!_  
 _What kind of science would you like to do tomorrow?_  
Cecil thought about this one. He considered and discarded several lewd replies that would have made His Carlos giggle and blush adorably.  
 _dendrology?_  
 _Great idea, a field trip! Meet at the picnic area of Grove Park?_  
 _I will be there._  
 _Can we start a little earlier so we can finish before it gets hot?_  
 _8am?_  
 _yes. Goodnight Cecil_  
 _Goodnight, listener, goodnight_  
Carlos stared at his phone screen, grinning and forgetting to breathe.

On Wednesday morning, Cecil dressed in his best tunic and furry pants. His transport arrived an hour early, just as he expected, having loudly mentioned the new arrangements for the day out of the window the previous night. The uniformed officer grinned.  
"Oh I see what you are doing. Nice work. Good luck."  
"Thanks."  
"Get in."

Cecil walked the short distance from the park entrance to the picnic area. Carlos was not there yet so he sat at a bench and watched the squirrels squabble and the people pass by. He smiled as a hand touched his left shoulder and a presence sat on the bench to his right. His Carlos used to do that, it used to end with them sitting side by side with Carlos's arm draped over his shoulders and Cecil's arm around Carlos's waist. But the arm was removed.

"I have no idea why I did that. You must think me very forward. It felt like a habit, it happened before I thought about it."  
"You thought about it?"  
Carlos looked away as Cecil turned to face him.  
"I often think. I am a scientist. It's what I do."  
Cecil laughed.  
"That sounds very familiar."  
Carlos frowned.  
"You feel it too?"  
"What?"  
"Let's do dendrology then get coffee somewhere."

They both got up.  
"You look... nice."  
"Thanks. So do you. That style of lab coat suits you."  
"Thanks."  
Silence.  
"Well, this isn't awkward at all, is it?"  
Carlos laughed.  
"Not a bit. Shall we science?"

Carlos led Cecil to a tree. The tree. The same one.  
"Carlos, do you ever suffer from deja vu?"  
Carlos glanced round, making fleeting eye contact.  
"Yes of course, everybody does. It is caused by..." He frowned. "I can't remember. Cecil? I have odd gaps in my memory. Like, how did I get to Night Vale? When did I arrive? Why do strange things seem so familiar? How do I know my way around?"  
 _Why do YOU seem so familiar?_ he did not ask.  
Cecil sighed.  
"Carlos, I'm sure everyone forgets things from time to time. It might come back one day."  
"I hope so."  
"So do I."  
Carlos turned to face the tree, removed a probe of some kind from his pocket and started recording numbers in his notebook. Cecil watched from just behind, reached out and stroked Carlos's cheek softly with the back of his fingers. Carlos closed his eyes for a moment.  
 _No, that did not just happen. Why would it? Why would anyone want to touch me like that?_

"I'm not really a tree scientist, but it gives me an excuse to get out of the lab for a while. Want an early coffee break?"  
Cecil beamed.  
"Perfect!"  
Carlos smiled nervously.  
"There is no such thing as perfection."  
"People become perfect when we learn to accept them for who they are."  
Carlos held Cecil's gaze for a rare, beautiful moment.  
"Cecil? I don't even know who I am."

Cecil took Carlos's arm.  
"Is this okay?"  
Carlos nodded.  
They walked out of the park to the coffee shop opposite the entrance. By the time they reached the counter the barista had their coffee ready.  
"Hi guys, got your usual? Okay?"  
"Thanks, yes."  
Carlos paid as Cecil picked up the drinks and carried them to a vacant table. Carlos joined him.  
"Cecil, I have never been here before. How can I have a _usual_?"  
Cecil shrugged.  
"Perhaps he guessed."  
"No. there is definitely something going on." He sipped his too-hot coffee. "Mmm, cardamom latte again? Is that a local thing?"  
Cecil shrugged again.  
"I don't know, I suspect that apart from a few weeks in Europe long ago I have never been out of Night Vale. And I'm not even sure about that trip, to be honest. There is such a thing as _too weird_ even for Night Vale." he waited. "I may have licked a foreigner's monument."  
Carlos snorted into his drink. "You can't remember?"  
"Memory gaps."  
There was silence as Carlos thought and Cecil gave up trying not to watch him. He loved how every emotion showed up on his face. He saw Carlos reach a decision.  
"Should we compare notes?"  
"Yes, but not here."

They chatted over more coffee and it was suddenly after eleven o'clock again. They left the coffee shop, stood outside for a moment.  
"I have to go to the station."  
Cecil pointed down the street.  
"I have to go to the lab."  
Carlos pointed in the opposite direction.  
Carlos hesitated for just long enough that Cecil could hug him and whisper.  
"Ask Rochelle and Dave about memory gaps."


	6. Your Science Feller

_Listeners, sometimes science takes an unexpected turn. This morning, Carlos, our community's favourite scientist, took me on a field trip! I assisted as Carlos took measurements and readings from a particularly interesting specimen in Grove Park then, over coffee, we discussed the nature of memory and perception..._

Carlos's phone buzzed. He ignored it, wondering if Cecil would say his name again.

_Carlos, who loves science even more than I do, said that..._

Carlos closed his eyes and smiled, focusing on Cecil's voice. 

_Listener? Do you have doubts and deja vu? Do you truly know your own history? Can you remember all the significant and insignificant experiences that lead up to the here and now? Do you want to? Goodnight, Night Vale, goodnight._

He looked at his phone. Carlos sighed, it was from Rochelle.  
 _Are you still up? Can I come over?_  
 _I'm tired. See you tomorrow._  
Five minutes later he added:  
 _but not too early_

Cecil started the recording of the next show, picked up his coffee mug and shut the booth as he left. Once home, he walked around his apartment, their apartment, where Carlos's clothes still filled drawers and his books still filled the bookcase. Waiting. He opened a random drawer, something he hadn't done in weeks. It was empty. They were all empty. Of course they were.

He sat on the edge of the bed. He had searched, looking for any garment of Carlos's that he could hold on to. Nothing. He bit back anger and tears and grabbed his phone.

 _Hi sorry it's late. Thank you for science today._  
 _You're welcome, technically it was yesterday now. If time is running smoothly I hope to see you in eight hours and fifty minutes. I plan another field trip. Goodnight._  
Cecil felt his heart soar.  
 _I look forward to it. Goodnight, dear scientist, goodnight._

On Thursday morning, Carlos waited for Cecil outside the lab with the lab off-roader fuelled up and ready. Cecil got out of the police car and bounded over.  
"Good morning! Where are we going?"  
"Get in and I'll show you. John Peters, I think he's a farmer, wanted me to look at his latest crop."  
Cecil smiled.  
"There probably isn't much to see. After that? Uh, I don't have to be at the station until later today."  
"Oh? Would you like to get the rest of your community service hours out of the way today?"  
"What?"  
"So you don't have to come in tomorrow morning?"  
"Oh! I had not thought about that. I suppose I have been getting in the way a bit." 

They drove the rest of the way to John's farm in frowning silence. Cecil had been right, there was nothing to see but dust. Carlos drove on further, pulled off the road and drove across the sand wastes. He stopped and got out. Cecil followed Carlos out of the vehicle and across the sand wastes until they reached a shallow dry riverbed with smooth flat stones. Carlos sat under a scrubby tree. Cecil sat beside him.

"Why did the farmer call me _your science feller_ and ask if we were together _again?_ "  
Cecil opened his mouth and closed it.  
"How did I know to come here? I've never been here before."  
Cecil waited.  
"And why can I remember days out with my family from decades ago so clearly but not where I was or what I was doing two weeks ago?"  
Cecil reached over and took Carlos's hand.  
"And why does being with you feel so... so... I only met you last week!"

"Carlos? I am going to tell you a story."  
Cecil talked. He spoke of love at first sight, adulation, adoration, fear, loss and grief and joy. He told Carlos about his public announcements on his show, an attempt to get his attention. He described a life shared, contented domesticity until disaster parted them again. His unexpected, excited enthusiasm at seeing his scientist again and his pain when he found that he had been forgotten. How he decided to find out if they could fall in love again.

Carlos was silent. He got up and walked back to the truck. Cecil got in a moment later. Carlos sat with his hands on the steering wheel and his head on his hands. He was shaking his head slowly.  
"It's too much. Cecil? It's too much."  
He started the engine and drove back to the road, turned back towards town. Eventually he spoke.  
"I will drop you at the station and sign off your remaining hours. I can't bear this. This is _insane!_ "  
He stopped the vehicle by the station as promised, stared straight ahead.  
"Goodbye, Cecil."


	7. Memories

_Listeners? I am sorry to report that I made a mistake today. You all know how I love to talk, right? But sometimes I find myself saying things that my most lovely listener is not ready to hear. In my desire to report the truth, as far as I am able at least, I can get a little… overenthusiastic. I would like to reassure you, dear listener, that I mean no harm and I wish to offer a heartfelt apology if my words caused distress._

Carlos did not want to listen but found it impossible to reach over and turn off the radio.

_In other completely unconnected news, I have been informed that I have completed my ten hours of volunteer work and I am not required to attend the science facility tomorrow morning. I find that although the demands on my time are occasionally difficult, I am disappointed no longer to have the opportunity to assist Carlos with his scientific investigations of local phenomena. You all know that I am really into science…_

Carlos unfolded the futon as he listened to the weather.

_Sometimes, a meaningful goodbye is the right thing to say. Other times it is said in the heat of the moment. Whatever you say, whatever you mean, I bid you goodnight, dear listener, goodnight._

Carlos’s phone buzzed. He snatched it up and opened his texts.  
 _What did you do?_  
It was Rochelle.  
 _Nevermind. See you tomorrow. Early._  
He walked the few steps over to the window, opened it and stuck his head out into the warm night air. Did he imagine it? The voice he heard in the wind as he withdrew his head and closed the window?  
 _Huh, I guess the scientist hasn't lost the memory of how to be an asshole._

On Friday morning Carlos went down to the lab. Rochelle was already there with Dave.  
“Carlos, over here.”  
He walked over and sat at the break area. Dave passed him a small photo album.  
“I hid this before it could be removed. I was saving it for when you were ready. Just look, that’s all.”  
Carlos opened the album as Dave and Rochelle went to their workbenches.

It was beautifully presented. The first photo was two smiling faces, his and Cecil’s, and had a caption _moving day._ The next was _Cecil and Carlos at home_ lounging in each other’s arms squashed into a large armchair. Carlos looked. He stared at each picture; heart thumping, reading and re-reading the brief captions.

 _Khoshekh_ A cat, most of a cat anyway, in Cecil's arms.  
 _Cecil the scientist_ Cecil grinning in lab coat and safety goggles, holding a flask, Carlos laughing beside him.  
 _Carlos gets confused_ Carlos staring at a meter, frowning and pointing it at Cecil.  
 _The Team_ Carlos, Dave, Rochelle and three other people he did not recognise.  
 _Head over heels_ Carlos and Cecil, nose to nose, Cecil's hand in his hair, their eyes closed and lips parted.  
And more, variations on a theme.

As he closed the album, Rochelle sat opposite him.  
“How long have we worked together? Carlos?”  
“Four years.”  
"Trust me?"  
"Yes."  
“Seven and a half years.”  
“Ell, what is going on?”

Somehow, hearing the same story for the second time, from a different point of view, was easier.

\---------------

_Listeners, I hoped to report better news today. I had ten hours, ten hours to try to bring back memories and for a brief time I thought it was enough. Oh the painful sting of failure! Oh listener, if you could only understand or even simply let go of logic and believe…_

Cecil said goodnight, started the next show and left the booth tidy for the next day. He resisted the urge to text or call or plead. Perhaps this time _goodbye_ was the only possible option. Perhaps he was the one who needed to let go. He walked slowly out of the station and turned towards the car park.

“Cecil?”  
He turned. Carlos stood by the station door.  
“Carlos!”  
Carlos caught up and stood in front of him.  
“Cecil, I don’t know how to deal with this. I have lost memories, details of events, but I still _feel_. I am afraid. Do you understand?”  
Cecil nodded.  
“I don’t think I will recover the memories. But the way I feel when I think of you… I wanted to see you. To see if this is real.”  
Cecil waited. He reached out a hand and stroked Carlos’s face. Carlos took the hand, holding it in both of his.  
“I would like… I would like to replace those memories. I would like to make new memories. With you.”  
Cecil stepped forward, took Carlos into his arms and kissed him softly. Carlos sank his head onto Cecil’s shoulder, then lifted it and gazed into his eyes.  
“Just be patient with me, okay?”


End file.
